


Feelings Run So Deep

by eyeslikeonyx



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Auston Matthews Is An Honorary Srat, Coming Out, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fraternities & Sororities, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Internal Conflict, Internalized Homophobia, Light Angst, M/M, Pining, Sort Of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-10
Updated: 2019-08-10
Packaged: 2020-08-14 05:35:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20187124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eyeslikeonyx/pseuds/eyeslikeonyx
Summary: Auston knows that being openly gay while being a part of a high-tier fraternity at a big name university isn’t really a common thing. Hell, he can probably count on one hand the amount of frat guys that have come out over the past ten years just based on all the social media lurking he did the summer before rush week. He’s done his research and he is not ashamed in the slightest.





	Feelings Run So Deep

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tae9909](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tae9909/gifts).

> HUGE thank you to my betas for being the best! to my recipient, i hope you love your gift as much as i enjoyed writing it!
> 
> kudos and comments are encouraged!

Auston knows that being openly gay while being a part of a high-tier fraternity at a big name university isn’t really a common thing. Hell, he can probably count on one hand the amount of frat guys that have come out over the past ten years just based on all the social media lurking he did the summer before rush week. He’s done his research and he is not ashamed in the slightest.

But he makes the executive decision to stay in the closet when he first gets to college. He’s hoping to explore his sexuality a little more while he’s far enough away from people he doesn’t personally know from childhood, but he’d rather not have that shit blasted all over his social media. He doesn’t want his parents nor his sisters to see what he’s up to while he’s in school. That’s just fucking awkward.

“So which frat do you think we’ll end up in?” Matt asks when he and Auston show up to rush week. Auston hopes that they end up in the same frat because he’s gonna need a friend to be here for him while he goes through his sexuality discovery phase. He shrugs.

“Depends on if you piss off the frat presidents,” he replies. Matt scoffs.

“I’m a nice guy. They’ll love me.”

“Nice? You?” Matt glares.

“I’m just not nice to you because you’re actually a grade A asshole.”

“Takes one to know one.”

Matt swings at Auston’s face and Auston is quick to dodge the hit.

“Watch the hair!” Auston exclaims.

“Not much hair to begin with, Sixhead.”

“Whatever, Rat Boy.”

Matt looks like he’s about to say something else when he stops whatever he was about to say to stare wide-eyed at someone standing behind Auston. Auston turns around to see a few guys walking towards them, and it’s pretty clear that they’re veteran frat guys. Probably the Presidents or other officers of the respective fraternities on campus. Most of them don’t really stand out to him, looks wise. He guesses that’s a good thing; all of them are probably straight and dating the sorority girls around campus.

Auston should have known that he was speaking too soon. None of them were sticking out until he saw the bright, wide smile of one of the shorter, slimmer guys. He’s wearing a royal blue blazer, a white v-neck tee, tailored khakis, and nice shoes. Typical frat boy outfit, but he makes the ensemble look so _ good. _Auston really, definitely should have known that he would be falling for the boy’s eyes.

Bright blue. Unmistakable and clear, full of mirth and sincere happiness. They match perfectly with his big smile and brunette hair that’s neatly cut and falling in his eyes a little bit.

“Auston!”

Auston swears loudly when he feels a slap to the back of his head. He rubs the spot where he got hit and scowls at Matt.

“What the fuck was that for?” he demands.

“You were staring way too hard. Besides, we need to meet up with the big group for the first round of rushing.”

Auston looks back at the group passing by and sighs quietly when he sees Pretty Boy laughing loudly at something one of the other guys is saying. He really needs to stop staring, so he pulls out his phone and acts like he’s checking his Snapchat instead of very obviously watching Pretty Boy walk away.

He will deny until the day he dies that he was staring at Pretty Boy’s perky ass in his tight khakis.

Auston ends up in the Omega Tau fraternity, and he’s actually a little bit excited. The guys of the house seem really nice and cool to hang with, and none of them seem to be suspecting him of being anything other than another average frat dude. He thinks he’s going to really like it here.

Matt doesn’t get into the same frat as him. Instead, he gets chosen by the Alpha Lambda Beta fraternity and quickly befriends his own newfound fraternity brothers.

“We’ll still see each other,” Matt reminds him. “You can’t get rid of me that easily, bro.”

Auston grins and bumps fists with Matt before they go their separate ways and hang out with their future fraternity brothers. Auston meets Morgan, the President, and they hit it off immediately. Morgan is super nice and seems excited to have Auston join the fraternity. He also meets Jake, the Vice President, and a few other guys that are just random members of the frat. He ends up sticking close with Willy and Kappy, his fellow pledges, and they all three sit on a couch in the frat house and talk about the rush experience.

“I’m just glad I didn’t end up in the Sigma Eps frat,” Willy says as he takes a sip from his beer. “Apparently, that’s the worst frat to join.”

“Why?” Auston asks. Willy shrugs.

“Something about bad hazing, I think.”

“Yeah, didn’t some dude get alcohol poisoning last year?” Kappy chimes in.

“Something like that.”

Auston shudders. Yeah, the last thing he needs is to go through a brutal hazing process. He’s hoping his new fraternity won’t be like that. He knows the main reason why everyone hazes their new pledges: to weed out the weak—and the gay, in some cases. The moment the wrong person finds out, his social life is toast. He also doesn’t want to potentially die from alcohol poisoning, so there’s that.

Someone clears their throat from behind where Auston is sitting on the couch, and Auston looks back to see what this person wants. All words die in his throat when he sees Pretty Boy standing over him with his iconic grin and sparkling baby blue eyes. It looks like he’s saying something, but Auston can’t hear over the music nor is he actually paying attention to what he might be saying. He blinks.

“What was that?” he asks. Pretty Boy laughs loudly.

“I said, ‘Do you mind handing me a beer?’” he repeats kindly over the loud music. Auston’s glad it’s dark because he really doesn’t want Pretty Boy to see his cheeks turn pink. He leans down by the cooler in front of him and opens it.

“Corona or Michelob?” Auston asks.

“Corona’s good.”

Auston passes the beer off to Pretty Boy, who gives him a heartfelt “Thanks, bro” before popping the top off and tossing the bottle cap in a bucket by the couch. Auston doesn’t realize he’s staring at the way Pretty Boy’s throat is working as he swallows his beer down until Willy nudges his shoulder with his elbow. Auston clears his throat and blinks his eyes away before Pretty Boy can notice.

He should probably also get Pretty Boy’s name and stop referring to him as Pretty Boy at some point.

“I didn’t, um--I didn’t catch your name,” Auston stumbles out. Pretty Boy gives him a big grin.

“I’m Mitch,” he says. “Mitch Marner.”

A name to the face that has been a recurring image popping up in Auston’s mind for the past week. He holds out his hand.

“Auston Matthews.”

“One of the new pledges, eh?” Auston is a little too enamored with that thick Canadian accent. Mitch’s hand is a little calloused just small enough to be a significant size difference from Auston’s own massive hand.

“Yeah” is all he can manage to say. Mitch is still grinning and not really letting go of Auston’s hand. His bright eyes twinkle in the low lights around the room, and it’s making Auston a little dizzy. He knew he was probably a little in over his head before, but now he knows he’s flat out fucked.

“Welcome to Omega Tau.”

Auston misses his six alarms on his first day of his classes, and he’s seriously cursing himself out for choosing to take Anatomy I at eight in the fucking morning. He should have listened to his mama when she said to go with later class times since he’s definitely not a morning person.

And yet.

Auston sprints past several sluggish students to his bus stop, but the bus is already disappearing from view by the time he reaches it. He swears loudly. He needed to get on that bus to get to his class on time. How the hell is he supposed to get to class now?

Not a moment later, a car horn sounds off, and Auston looks around to see who’s honking at him until his eyes land on an older blue Jeep pulling up beside him. His heart skips a beat when he sees that Mitch Marner is in the driver’s seat.

“Need a ride?” he asks. He’s got some Travis Scott song playing through the speakers, and his Ray Bans are hiding his eyes from the bright morning sun. He looks good, too, sitting there in his jeans, sneakers, and white t-shirt.

Auston swallows as he nods his head. He opens the passenger side door and slides into his seat. As soon as he closes his door, Mitch starts driving.

“Do you know where your building is?” Mitch asks.

“It’s um—yeah, the—the science building?” Auston sounds so unsure as he reads his phone for instructions.

“Oh hey, me too! What class are you taking first?”

“Anatomy I.”

“I’m taking that class too! With Dr. Marleau?” Auston nods, a little more confident this time. Mitch beams. “That’s who I have! Pretty sure a couple other guys are in that class with us. This is gonna be a good fucking semester!”

Auston can feel his pent up nerves slowly relaxing the closer he and Mitch get to the science building. He lets Mitch ramble on and on about the campus and some of the science professors he had last year. Auston isn’t exactly paying attention to all the details, but just having Mitch talk and not really expect any answers in return is perfectly fine in Auston’s book.

As it turns out, Auston and Mitch have three different classes together. It’s nice having someone Auston knows be in his classes, but that just means he has to be face to face with Mitch every single day and try not to come off as aloof when he’s really just a nervous wreck around Mitch. He’s still paranoid about coming off as too flirty or too touchy when he’s with Mitch, but a lot of it is that Mitch is very touchy with _ him. _

Auston isn’t even uncomfortable with it. If anything, he really likes it. Mitch is always coming up to him and giving him a hug before talking to him about his classes or about his family dog, Winston, back home. Auston has become friends with several of the guys in O Tau, but he and Mitch are practically joined at the hip.

They study together every night, usually go out together unless Mitch is doing something with his friend Max that graduated the year before, and they’ve really become closer. Closer than Auston thought was possible.

It really hits Auston just how close he and Mitch are one day when he’s running late for his 8:00 am class (again) and Mitch has brought him coffee and an orange scone.

“Figured you needed the pick me up,” Mitch whispers when they settle down at their desks. “Three creams and three sugars, right?”

Auston swallows down the lump in his throat as he nods his head.

“Yeah,” he finally manages to say back. “Yeah, you got it right.” Mitch grins.

“It’s all you drink in the library or the lab when we study, so I figured I should have it memorized by now.”

Auston’s heart flutters against his will as he murmurs out a “Thank you” and starts devouring his scone and draining his coffee.

Auston really likes being an O Tau so far. The guys are actually pretty helpful with not only how to cure hangovers in time for class, but they’re all really great study buddies. He knows he’s just a pledge, but Morgan and everyone else running the house are always so nice and welcoming, which is a big relief.

Auston can also sense that maybe there’s something going on between Morgan and Jake, the Vice President of the house, are possibly more than friends. But he doesn’t want to assume in case he’s wrong, so he just keeps his mouth shut. He can’t help but notice this kind of stuff, though.

In fact, the more Auston looks around, the more he sees the slightly flirtatious nature of the guys in the house. Not just with sorority girls at parties, but with each other. It shouldn’t make him feel hopeful because he could just be reading the signs wrong—he did enough of that back home in Scottsdale—but he’s hoping that maybe he isn’t such an outcast, after all.

The thing is, though, Auston has had zero practice at flirting. He’s spent so long being paranoid about someone finding out that he never really got the chance to branch out and explore his sexuality while he was a young and dumb high school kid. Now he’s a nineteen year-old virgin and a freshman in college, and he’s only kissed two people. Meanwhile, pretty much everyone in his frat have had at least three hookups each and are very shameless about said hookups.

He’s completely out of his element, and he knows it.

“What about that one?” Willy says to Auston while they’re at a house party further down Frat Row. Mitch is out of town hanging out with his friend Max again, and Kappy is hiding out in the library to study for his Economic midterm coming up in the next few days. So he’s stuck with Willy, hookup king of the pledges, and just hoping he can get through the night in one piece.

Auston looks at where Willy is pointing and he sees a pretty blonde wearing a pink velvet dress that’s barely halfway down her thighs. She’s cute but Auston still shakes his head. Willy sighs in frustration.

“What?” Auston demands.

“That’s the fifth girl you’ve turned down tonight,” Willy replies. “All of them are hot, and you’ve said no to every single one.”

“None of them are my type.”

“Bullshit. Natalie Spooner is everyone’s type.”

“Who?”

“Oh God, what the hell is wrong with you? Look, just pick one already. You need to get laid at some point.”

“I get laid!”

That’s a blatant lie, and Auston knows it. But it’s a lie he’s going to stick with until he goes into his grave.

“You look like you haven’t had a day to relax in weeks. Just let me find you a girl to hook up with.”

“No offense, but your taste in women is not the same as mine.” _ Not even close, _he doesn’t say. Willy rolls his eyes and looks around the room before discreetly pointing at someone while still holding his drink.

“What about her?” Auston turns his head and sees a gorgeous brunette wearing cutoff shorts and a spaghetti strap tank. She would definitely be Auston’s type if he was actually into women. He doesn’t really want to flirt with this girl because he knows it’s just going to end in him rejecting her offer to come back to her place.

Except she’s looking him up and down now and giving him a very sultry grin. Auston can’t stop staring as he gulps.

“I don’t know,” he trails off. Willy rolls his eyes and shoves at his shoulder.

“Just go talk to her, bro.”

Next thing Auston knows he’s being shoved in the direction of the pretty brunette and he’s stumbling a little over his feet. He finally stops walking until he’s directly in front of her and her shorter blonde friend that’s also looking him up and down. He’s never been one to be intimidated by women, but he definitely is right now.

“Hi,” he finally manages to say. He wants to slap himself because what the fuck was that? The tall brunette smiles wide at him. She’s only a few inches shorter and she’s not wearing heels and very, very pretty.

“Hey yourself,” she says coolly. Auston does _ not _have enough alcohol in his system to be able to hold a conversation with this girl. He still tries, anyway.

“I’m Auston.”

“Hilary. You’re one of the O Tau pledges, right?” Auston sighs and nods. “Aren’t you a little young to be drinking that?” Hilary points at Auston’s plastic cup full of some kind of funky alcohol mix that Willy gave him a few minutes ago. His heart starts to rabbit a little against his ribs.

“I mean—it’s not mine, I swear. I’m just—”

“Relax, she’s messing with you,” the short blonde tells him. Auston takes a deep breath of relief when he sees Hilary chuckle a little and take a sip of her own drink. “I’m Amanda, by the way.” Amanda holds her hand out to Auston for him to shake, and he takes it easily enough.

“Nice to meet you,” he says as sincerely as he can. Amanda grins before sharing a quick glance with Hilary, who winks back at her. They both look up at Auston again, and Auston suddenly feels his cheeks go hot.

“You wanna get out of here for a little while?” Hilary asks. Auston was afraid this would happen. He’s going to have to say no and fake sulking back over to his spot over by Willy—except when he looks, Willy has disappeared. He swallows a large swig down and tries not to grimace at the burn of alcohol traveling down his throat. When he looks back at Amanda and Hilary, they look hopeful and inviting.

Fuck it. Maybe if he gets enough alcohol in his system, he could make this good for them. It’s just sex, he tries to convince himself.

“Sure.”

The three students walk down Frat Row, making small talk about things they have in common, including their related majors and their mutual love for all things hockey. Auston almost forgets what’s supposed to happen next until he ends up in front of the Zeta Phi house on Srat Row down the block. The house looks quiet and much better kept than the O Tau house, and there doesn’t seem to be much going on around the house. Auston walks up the steps, sticking closely behind Amanda and Hilary and occasionally glancing over his shoulders. Amanda gets her key out and unlocks the door to the house, and as soon as she opens the door, Auston’s hands start to lightly tremble in his jeans pockets.

Hilary and Amanda stop walking into the house when they realize that Auston is still standing on the porch.

“You good?” Hilary asks. Auston takes a deep breath and nods his head. He doesn’t really feel fine, though. He’s too afraid to speak, so he hopes he can play off his nerves as being afraid of getting caught. Hilary doesn’t look convinced, but she turns back around to go inside the house, anyway. Amanda waits at the entryway until Auston walks inside before closing the door behind her. She gently pushes him against the wall by the door and stands up on her tiptoes to kiss him.

The thing is, Auston has only kissed two people in his life. His first one was with Emily Thatcher, the Homecoming Queen from the class ahead of Auston. She was beautiful and exactly every guy’s type. And she could definitely kiss like she was made to do it.

But Auston knew that she wasn’t enough. He kept hoping that maybe this whole being gay thing was just a phase and he would get over it. But he was a seventeen year old guy getting to make out with one of the hottest and nicest girls in his entire high school. Any guy would have been lucky to be him.

And all he wanted in that moment was to crawl out of his own skin.

Amanda pulls away, and Auston realizes too little too late that he wasn’t actually kissing Amanda back. She looks up at him and stops whatever she was going to say. Instead, she steps back so she can get a good look at his face.

“You look nervous,” Amanda points out, but it’s not unkind. She seems genuinely worried about Auston, and Auston feels all of his confidence fly out the window.

“I’m really sorry,” he says in a rush. “I’m not the hookup type, and I really thought I could do this, but—”

“Whoa, slow down,” Hilary interrupts softly. She rests her hand on his bicep, and the touch is actually very calming, despite how anxious he feels. “Look, it’s cool if you don’t wanna hook up. We kind of figured you weren’t into hooking up with us when we were walking back from the party. You acted like you were being sent to your execution just trying to talk to us.”

Auston’s face is bright red.

“I’m—fuck, I’m sorry,” he stutters out. “It’s not that I don’t think you guys are attractive or anything. Because you are. And that’s not all that matters, either! You’re both really cool and nice and—”

“It’s okay,” Amanda gently tells him with a grin. “We know what you meant. What Knighter is trying to say is that we know you didn’t really want to talk to us like that. This was just an out so you could have a break from trying to talk to other girls.” She pauses. “And we’re both pretty sure we know why.”

Auston mentally curses at himself. Has he really been that obvious? He runs a hand through his hair and hunches his shoulders in on himself a little.

“Look, it’s not anything to be ashamed of,” Hilary assures him. “Besides, there’s plenty of gay frat guys here.” Auston opens his mouth, but Hilary holds up her hand to halt him from speaking. “And don’t try to tell me that you’re not gay, because no straight guy dresses that well, especially the guys around here.”

“For real. I mean, have you seen the way that guy Jack Eichel dresses?” Amanda chimes in.

“The Penny Loafers don’t work for him,” Auston says without even thinking. His eyes widen, and the girls giggle a little. Auston can feel the tension in his shoulders slowly bleed out.

“That sock tan he has is horrible. No way should he be wearing Penny Loafers, of all things.”

“No, they definitely don’t work for him.”

“You look like you need a drink,” Hilary tells him as she links her arm with his. “All we have is wine, but you look like a wine guy.”

“Just because he’s gay doesn’t mean he likes wine,” Amanda argues as she copies Hilary’s actions on Auston’s other arm. “But seriously, all we have is wine. That cool with you?”

For the first time since being away from home, Auston feels like he’s actually in his element. Like he can be unabashedly himself and not be judged for it.

“You got white wine?”

Auston doesn’t mean to tell Amanda and Hilary about him still being in the closet, but they seem to be really nice, and they’re great listeners. He hasn’t really talked to anyone about being gay before, except for Matt, but they never see each other since they’re in separate fraternities and only have a Math class together this semester.

“Do you think you’ll ever be ready to come out?” Amanda asks after Auston’s had four—wait, make that five—glasses of wine. He swallows down his Adam’s apple and sighs to himself.

“I don’t know,” he replies honestly. “I want to, but—but I don’t know how my family would take it. I come from a pretty traditional, conservative lifestyle back home. Pretty sure my dad’s golfing buddies would hunt me down if they knew the truth.”

“That’s—that’s really fucked up, Aus.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I know.”

He ends up falling asleep on the Zeta Phi house’s biggest couch in their common area on the first floor. After a few hours of drinking wine and shooting the shit with Hilary, Amanda, and a couple of other girls named Megan and Kendall later on, he had apparently crashed out and no one wanted to wake him up and make him walk back to his house at three in the morning. He’s thankful that they were nice enough to let him sleep off the alcohol and even feeding him breakfast before sending him off, but now he’s walking out of the house and seeing people walk out of other houses like they’re doing the walk of shame.

His frat brothers are going to give him _ so _much shit when he gets back to the house.

He thinks he can sneak in without being seen, even though he’s over six feet tall and taps in at over 200 pounds and is known for always running into things. No one is downstairs, so he’s sure he has it made.

“Where did you go last night?”

Auston does not scream when he whips around and sees a clearly hungover Willy lying on the floor of the living room area, but it’s pretty close. He tries to regulate his erratic breathing as Willy stands up.

“What the hell are you doing on the floor?” Auston exclaims.

“Not so loud, bro,” Willy groans while rubbing his temples. “It’s too early for you to be screaming.”

“It’s past nine, Will.”

“See? Too early. Anyway, you didn’t answer my question.”

“I really don’t wanna talk about it,” Auston sighs.

“I mean, I saw you walk out with those two girls last night, so I’m assuming you went back to their place. Am I right?”

No backing out now. Besides, he _ did _actually go back to their place. It’s not like that part is untrue. He knows what Willy is trying to imply, but maybe this one little white lie will get everyone off his back for once. Auston nods but doesn’t say anything. Willy’s eyes go almost comically wide.

“Oh my god—”

“It’s not a big deal.”

“You had a fucking threesome with two hot srat girls! That’s awesome, bro, holy shit!”

“Wait, Matts had a threesome?” Kappy says when he comes into the living room. Auston wants go hide in his room and never come out.

“Yeah, with a couple srat girls, too. He just got back in a few minutes ago,” Willy explains.

“Yo. No one ever gets to spend the night at one of the houses on Srat Row.”

“They wanted you to stay for morning sex, right?”

“Which girls did you fuck?”

Willy and Kappy keep asking him all these questions from the night before—including what color underwear they were wearing, which, honestly, how is that relevant?—before he finally whistles at them to get them to shut up.

“What happened between me, Hilary, and Amanda last night is none of your business, all right?” he snaps. “I went back to their place, we had sex, they let me crash on their couch last night because I was drunk, and then I left this morning. Nothing more to it.”

The two blonds stare at Auston for a few tense moments before Kappy finally breaks the silence.

“Sorry we offended you.”

“You didn’t _ offend _me, Kap, Jesus. I just think that this kind of thing is—private, y’know?”

“No, yeah, man, I get it. And I respect that. Sorry for—being pushy.”

“Shit, I’m not,” Willy scoffs. “I’m really fucking impressed. I don’t know what you said or what you did to get them to take you back with them, but that’s fucking awesome for you, bro.”

Auston smiles small before announcing that he’s going to bed so he can sleep off the rest of his fading hangover. Hopefully this will be the end of him lying about his night with the girls of Zeta Phi.

He should have known that Willy would blabber. The only reason he knows Kappy didn’t is because Kappy has been MIA for the past two days. No texts or calls to or from him.

The only reason he knows Willy said something is because the group chat suddenly blew up the following Monday about Auston and his “fucking awesome threesome with two Zetas.”

Auston is rolling his eyes as he reads through the messages and sitting in Mitch’s Jeep in front of the Health Science building. They’re early for once, so they’re sipping on their coffee and listening to Post Malone while they wait for their class to start.

“How the fuck did Willy figure out all the details, anyway?” Mitch asks as he also scrolls through the group chat. He must be further down that Auston because Auston hasn’t seen any gory details about the incident just yet.

Except there shouldn’t _ be _any gory details just yet. And Willy wouldn’t just make them up as he went along. So what fucking gives?

“I don’t know,” Auston replies honestly as he quickly swipes down his phone to find what Mitch is talking about. “I didn’t tell him nor Kappy anything except that I stayed at the Zeta house overnight because I was still pretty sloshed.”

Mitch blinks before looking up at Auston.

“So you didn’t fuck Knighter bare and then eat her out right after?”

Auston chokes on the sip of coffee he just swallowed and starts coughing violently. Mitch takes his cup from his hands and sits it down before slapping Auston hard between his shoulder blades.

“Dude, breathe,” Mitch unhelpfully tells him. Auston manages to glare at Mitch for all of two seconds before he starts coughing again. “I gotta say, bro: if this shit is true, then I applaud you for a job well fucking done.”

Except it _ isn’t _true, and Auston wants to tell Mitch that. But then that would mean outing himself to Mitch, and he really wants to trust Mitch. He knows he most likely can, but it’s still terrifying to tell someone and then have them turn their backs on him and hate him for it. He doesn’t think Mitch would actually do that, but he would much rather be safe than sorry.

He just smiles and nods and tries to play it cool. The less people know the truth, the better.

The next time he sees Willy, though, he’s going to make him wish he was six feet under.

“What the fuck, dude?” Auston shouts when he sees Willy that night outside the library. Willy flinches when he sees Auston come power walking toward him.

“I can explain--” Willy begins to say.

“I don’t wanna fucking hear it! How the fuck did you even know all of that?! I didn’t tell you shit!”

“I know you didn’t! Knighter did!”

Auston’s thoughts screech to a halt. He couldn’t have heard that right.

A soft, confused “What?” is all he manages to get out. Willy takes a deep breath.

“I was nosy, so I asked her for the deets since you wouldn’t tell me. Dude, you guys got up to some crazy shit. She and Kessel said that you were the best fuck they’ve ever had. I can’t believe you didn’t say anything to anyone.”

Auston doesn’t know what to say. Hilary told Willy all this stuff that didn’t actually happen, making him sound like some kind of sex god, and he can’t begin to fathom as to why. If anything, he thought she would say something about him being a bad lay.

Why would she and Amanda do that for him?

Auston doesn’t see Hilary again until a couple days later at the Starbucks inside the campus cafeteria, and he really doesn’t know how to bring up this kind of conversation to her when there’s so many people around. But he needs to say something because for some reason, he’s had every dude on Frat Row come up to him and ask him for sex advice.

She sees him first, though, and she seems to know exactly why he’s coming to talk to her.

“Let me order my coffee first before we talk,” she says. She’s only behind two other people, so it shouldn’t take long. Auston’s stomach is starting to hurt a little, and his throat feels dry. “Do you want anything? My treat. It’s the least I can do.”

Auston may be a bit prideful and a little upset at Hilary, but he’s still a normal, broke college kid. He’d be dumb to turn down free coffee.

“Regular coffee, three creams and three sugars,” he tells her. She smiles small and doesn’t speak again until she’s putting in her and Auston’s orders.

They find a small, private table away from everyone else in the cafeteria and don’t really say much for a while. Hilary asks how Auston is doing in his Anatomy class, and Auston asks about her Senior Thesis. Just easy small talk for a few minutes.

“I know why you wanted to talk to me,” Hilary finally says. Auston’s heart sinks.

“Why did you lie to Will?” he asks. “I mean, I’m not exactly sure why you told everyone that we had this amazing sex when none of it actually happened.”

“Will was pretty much interrogating me, and I had to come up with something on the spot. I don’t know if you remember talking about it, but you made it pretty clear that you didn’t want anyone knowing the truth about you—y’know.” She drops her voice to a whisper. “Not being entirely straight.”

Auston sighs and hides his face in his hands.

“I only did what I did to protect you,” Hilary insists. “The fact that you didn’t try to come up with details to throw everyone off is beyond me. You want people to not find out? You need to lie. Come up with some freaky shit and call it a day. Guys want to hear the nasty details.”

“But _ why?” _Auston whines. “Why do guys want to hear about that kind of stuff?”

“I was about to ask you why you _ wouldn’t _want to hear about that kind of stuff. And then I remembered you were a virgin.”

“Don’t remind me.”

“I’m sorry if me lying to Will upset you, but it was either that or tell him that we never had sex in the first place. My hands were tied.”

“I’m not really upset about it anymore,” Auston sighs. “I guess I was just confused.”

“About—”

“Why you decided to make it sound like I was really good at sex.”

Hilary smirks.

“Figured it would help keep all the guys from figuring out the truth.”

“But now they keep asking me for all this sex advice, and I don’t know what to say!”

“Then just ask me or Amanda. Or any other girl in Zeta Phi. We’ll tell you what girls like. Better to hear it from us than from another guy who doesn’t even where the clitoris is.”

Auston laughs because yeah, that definitely seems to be a fucking struggle for guys to find.

“It’s not even that hard to find,” he says while still laughing. “Like, I’m gay and I know exactly where the clitoris is.”

“Straight guys are fucking clueless.”

“Tell me about it.”

People stop asking Auston about his wild night with two of Zeta Phi’s finest, and he’s sure that that’s it. He hasn;t been able to go to parties because midterms are this week, and he needs to focus on that. Well, that and finding a Halloween costume before all the good ones disappear.

But first. Midterms.

“These skull sutures and fissures are gonna be the death of me,” Mitch croaks out. He’s resting his cheek against the lab table, close to falling asleep, just as Auston hands him his coffee that he picked up for them from the campus coffee shop down the street. Mitch still looks lifeless overall when he sees his drink, but he’s looking at Auston like he hung the moon and the stars.

“You’re an angel,” he moans. Auston snickers and takes a sip of his drink before sitting down. “Seriously, I could marry you right now.”

“Doubt it, but thanks for the compliments.”

Auston has managed to tamper down this little crush that he’s had on Mitch over the past few weeks. Whatever feelings he has for Mitch, he can let that go if it means keeping Mitch around as a friend.

Mitch’s phone vibrates against the lab table, but he just sends it to voicemail like it’s nothing. Auston doesn’t think much of it. It was probably a junk call, anyway. But then it starts ringing again, again, again, and again until Mitch finally rolls his eyes and shuts it off altogether. He slams his phone face down on the table, making Auston jump.

“Sorry,” Mitch murmurs before picking up the skull model on the table. Auston blinks, unsure of what to think or say. He clears his throat and tries to go back to studying before finally biting the bullet.

“Who kept calling you?” he asks quietly, the lab room quiet and clearly full of tension. He doesn’t look up when Mitch lets out a frustrated sigh.

“It’s nothing.”

“Didn’t sound like ‘nothing.’”

Auston looks up at Mitch when Mitch doesn’t reply. He can see the way Mitch’s jaw is clenched and how stormy his eyes look that Auston must have hit a nerve. Mitch’s eyes soften when he glances at Auston’s worried expression.

“I’ll be fine,” he finally says softly. “Just got in a fight with my boyfriend, is all.”

Auston scrambles to pick up the model bone he dropped loudly onto the table, while Mitch watches him with a raised eyebrow. Auston finally settles down and takes a long sip of his coffee.

“You ok over there?” Mitch asks.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m good,” Auston rushes out. “I just, uh--I was--I was caught off guard, I guess.”

“Why?” Mitch’s voice sounds tense. “Because I have a boyfriend?”

Oh shit.

“No! Not at all! Well--I mean, a little, but not in a bad way! I just, um--” Auston tries to think of the right words to say without coming off as homophobic, stereotyping, or just flat out idiotic. He finally settles with, “I didn’t know you were dating someone. At all.”

“I’ve brought up Max, like, a hundred times. I thought I was being pretty obvious.” Auston blinks.

“I thought he was just a friend.”

Mitch starts to laugh, but it’s not unkind. Auston chuckles along with him and blushes.

“Yeah, I guess I didn’t really tell you a lot about him, eh? That’s not your fault. Not a lot of people really know, but all the guys in O Tau know.”

“Was he an O Tau?”

“Nah, he was in another frat. Kappa Lambda Mu.”

Auston remembers hearing that frat’s name. He’s pretty sure that’s their enemy frat, but he can’t really remember.

“How did you two get together?” Mitch smiles down at his hands resting in his lap.

“We met in a rec hockey league last fall. We were just having fun, shooting the shit while shooting pucks. By the end of the second practice, he asked me out. And I said yes.”

“Just like that?”

“Just like that.”

“You weren’t afraid of what everyone else would say?”

Mitch sighs and picks up the model femur. He stares at it long and hard for a few moments.

“I spent a long time being afraid of who I am. I was tired of living a lie. As soon as I got accepted here, I packed up my shit and pretty much ran out the door. Never looked back. I’m better for it. I learned to stop trying to make everyone else happy. I’m a people pleaser, and I hate it. It took me a while to realize that I had to walk away from all these people that swore they were doing exactly what was best for me, even though it wasn’t. I was so fucking tired of trying so hard to pretend to be something I’m just _ not.” _

Auston wishes he could be as brave as Mitch. He wishes he wasn’t so afraid of being out to the public. But he’s not brave; he’s a fucking coward for basking in the comfort of his closet. He knows it, too.

“I get that,” he says quietly. “I’m glad you told me.”

Mitch beams.

“Me too,” he replies. “And you know you can tell me anything, right? This isn’t one-sided.”

Auston’s heart races. Maybe one day he’ll be able to tell Mitch the truth. He could probably tell him now, if he wanted. But he’s not ready yet. He will be, though. He gives Mitch a tiny but genuine smile before focusing on his bones again.

“I know. Thank you.”

“Anytime, Aus.”

The Halloween party hosted by O Tau is fucking wild. Auston has no idea how the guys ended up getting the best alcohol ever, but he’s thankful.

He stands back against the wall, sipping his drink as he observes the party going on around him. Everyone’s costumes are either basic at best or so fucking awesome, they belong in horror movies. Natalie Spooner from the Gamma Mu sorority offered to do his makeup for his costume when she found out what he wanted to do for his costume, and it really ended up benefiting them both, in the end. Natalie got to practice her SFX makeup on someone, and Auston came out looking like a fucking gnarly stabbing victim.

Mitch is standing next to him, and he’s dressed up like some character off of _ Game of Thrones. _ Or at least he thinks it’s _ Game of Thrones. _ All he knows is that Mitch is obsessed with that show and has been trying to get Auston to binge it with him for weeks.

“So Max couldn’t come?” Auston asks. “I haven’t met the guy yet, and I kinda want to.”

Mitch grimaces and takes a long swig of his drink.

“Said he couldn’t make it,” Mitch replies. “Something about getting called in to work all weekend.”

“That sucks, bro.”

“It’s all right. I needed a break from all the driving. I haven’t really been to any parties this year, and I kinda missed it.”

Auston knows that there’s probably more to that, but he’s not going to make Mitch talk about it. They’re here to have fun. Auston is about to ask Mitch if he wants to get him something to drink since his is almost gone, but then he’s suddenly having this really pretty redhead dressed like a mermaid come up to him with a sultry smile.

“Hey, Auston,” she says all seductively. Auston thinks she looks familiar, but he can’t really tell. She’s flirting with him big time, though, and he really can’t say anything. So he just grins and gives her a “Hey” in return. “You wanna get out of here for a little while?”

Auston looks from her to Mitch, whose expression is perfectly neutral until he smirks and says, “Don’t let me cockblock you, dude. One of us deserves to get laid tonight.”

Auston doesn’t think too much about how bummed Mitch looks when the girl practically yanks him down the hall by his hand.

“Hey, uh, look,” Auston tries to say as nicely as possible, “I’m sure you’re a nice girl and all, but I’m just trying to hang out with my friends tonight.”

She whips around to look at him, and she doesn’t look mad or upset. Her eyes make it pretty clear that she isn’t looking to get laid, either.

“Can you help me keep this guy away from me?” she asks frantically. “I know it was rude for me to drag you away, but I need to make it look like I’m leaving with someone else so he’ll leave me alone.”

Now that, Auston will gladly do.

“Just tell me where to stand, and we’ll get creepy guy to stay away from you.”

Turns out, all Leah needs is for Auston to talk to her in some secluded corner, make it look like they’re either together or about to leave together, wait for him to get the message, and leave. All in all, it takes about ten minutes for the plan to work, and the mermaid who he finds out is named Leah, thanks him by offering to make him breakfast at the Zeta Phi house in the morning.

“So you’re a Zeta?” Auston asks when they walk into the kitchen.

“Yeah. Hilary and Amanda told me that you would be here because this is your frat’s party. As soon as that guy started talking to me, I knew he was bad news. I texted Amanda and she told me to look for you. She said you would play the part and keep that creep away from me.”

Auston blinks. He really can’t believe they would think that highly of him. But he guesses he can understand why they sent Leah to him. He’s a big guy and looks intimidating tonight with the fake blood and dark circles under his eyes.

“Well, I’m glad you got away from him.”

“Me too.” Leah stands up on her toes and gives Auston a peck on the cheek. “Thanks again, Auston.”

Auston finds Mitch hiding on the top floor a few minutes later, and he’s on his phone talking to someone. He doesn’t look very happy, either.

“Look, Max, I don’t wanna talk to you,” Mitch snaps. “What part of leave me alone for a few days do you not understand?”

Auston stays back, afraid that Mitch might get pissed if he hears him eavesdropping.

“I’m not fucking kidding this time,” Mitch says after a long pause. “Don’t call me for the rest of the weekend.”

He hangs up right after and shoves his phone in his pants pocket. He takes a deep, shaky breath and rubs his hands over his face. When he looks to his left to see Auston, it becomes obvious that Mitch has been crying.

“Mitch--”

“Please don’t make me talk about it.” Auston doesn’t say anything else. Instead, he holds his arms out for Mitch, bracing himself for a hug. And a hug is exactly what he gets. He just doesn’t expect the quiet sniffling or the hot tears staining his ripped up t-shirt.

Mitch doesn’t bring up Max after that. Auston gets the gist of what happened, though, if the rumors around the house are anything to go by. Max cheated because he was sick of the distance, and Mitch told him to fuck off and get lost.

Mitch starts hanging out with everyone a lot more. He’s not glued to his phone like he used to be. Even better (or worse), he’s gotten much clingier around Auston. The only issue is that Auston isn’t out to Mitch yet, and he’s still scared to tell him the truth. What if Mitch thinks Auston’s taking advantage of him because he’s in an emotionally trying place right now if he finds out the truth? What if everything changes when Auston comes out? He doesn’t think Mitch would hate him for being gay or out him to anyone who he doesn’t want to know.

But the fear is too great. He’s upheld this image for himself for as long as he can remember. Tossing it away now for a silly little crush is too risky, too terrifying.

He has a lot to lose: family, friends, his scholarships. Everything is riding on him not fucking up. He may have stronger feelings for Mitch than he had originally planned on, but he isn’t willing to give up everything for something that might not work out.

He can’t. He won’t.

The next few parties Auston goes to, he’s got srat girls from all over campus coming up to him to “flirt” with him and have him basically escort them out of the party and back to their dorms or sorority houses. And as a thank-you for his services, the girls give him home cooked food and a campus wide reputation of being the go-to for a God tier frat boy hookup.

The girls also tell him what they all like so he can relay it to other guys that they like. Auston is probably the biggest matchmaker on campus, and yet he hasn’t been able to find a match of his own. The irony.

“You ever gonna give dating a real chance?” Hilary asks one night after a massive rager resulted in Auston leaving with a Gamma Mu, a Delta Kap, and two Zeta Phi’s on his arms. He dropped them all off at the Zeta house to sleep off the alcohol, and now he’s hanging out in the kitchen with Hilary at two in the morning on a Thursday night. “You’re a nice guy and you’ve got a great personality. I could set you up with someone. He doesn’t even have to go here. There’s like, two other college campuses not far from here.”

If Auston is honest with himself, he knows that he should at least consider giving the dating scene a chance. He knows Hilary wouldn’t steer him wrong, and he really needs to work on getting some experience in if he wants to be able to get a date. He feels so small, like he’s just this scared little kid about something as simple as having a conversation with another guy over dinner. All he has to do is talk a little about himself and then listen to his date talk a little bit about himself, they split the check, promise to text or call, and call it a night.

It’s so simple. Dating is such a simple concept. So why does it feel impossible to do?

“I wish I was ready,” Auston confesses. He hates how quiet his voice sounds. “I want to date, but—fuck, it’s just hard. How do I know people aren’t out to like, hurt me and shit?”

The two of them are quiet for a long time, staring at their drinks on the counter.

“I’m not gonna lie to you, Aus,” Hilary finally says. “I’m not gonna sugarcoat anything because that’s not fair to you. Dating is not as easy as people make it sound. It takes a lot of strength to put yourself out there and hoping you don’t get outright rejected. It’s nerve wracking and it’s really fucking hard to go through. But it’s worth it. It may suck in that moment, but later on, you get to laugh about those shitty dates to your friends and, eventually, with the person you do end up being with. Because you _ are _going to find someone, Auston.”

Auston finally raises his head to look at Hilary, and she’s giving him this fond smile. The same one Alex gives him whenever he’s stressed out about school or life crashing down all around him. Like an older sister trying to help her little brother out.

“You look like you need a hug.”

Auston chuckles and steps closer to Hilary until she’s hugging him tight. He hugs her back and just lets her hold him for a few minutes. They don’t say anything or do anything else. They just stand in the middle of the kitchen and keep hugging each other. Auston hasn’t really had a hug like this in a while, and it’s almost as if it’s the answer to all of his problems right in this very moment.

“You’re gonna find someone out there who is just right for you,” Hilary whispers. “Any guy would be lucky to have you.”

“Thanks, Knighter,” Auston says back. He can feel Hilary’s smile against his shoulder.

“If you were straight, I’m pretty sure all of Srat Row would try to lock you down. Me included.”

Auston laughs and finally pulls away to look at Hilary.

“Thanks for being there for me.”

“Anytime, Aus.”

Finals are nothing short of hell when they roll around. Mitch and Auston and several other guys in O Tau are pretty much either camping out at the library, the lab, or anywhere that is not the comfort of their own beds. Study now, rest later.

As soon as everything is said and done, though, Auston is absolutely prepared to go the fuck _ home. _He promises to text Mitch when he lands in Arizona, and likewise, Mitch promises to let him know when he’s back in Toronto.

“We have to keep in touch,” Mitch had promised when he dropped Auston off at the airport. “Deal?”

Mitch had stuck his pinky finger up for Auston to link his own with, and Auston had grinned and done what Mitch wanted without even thinking twice about it.

“Deal.”

Auston doesn’t know if he’ll be able to really talk to Mitch while he’s home, but he’s going to try. More than anything, he’s just glad to be back in Scottsdale already. He’s missed his mama’s hugs and her cooking. He’s already promised Brey and Alex that he would go golfing with them, and he knows his dad is going to want to have a private round of golf where it’s just the two of them.

This is going to be a good holiday.

“How are you liking school so far?” Auston’s dad asks when they’ve reached the fourth hole on the course. Auston’s been home for three days, and he’s honestly surprised that it took his dad this long to start grilling him about school. Well, it’s not so much grilling as it’s basically his dad trying to figure out what he’s up to in his free time.

“It’s going good so far,” Auston replies as he lightly hits the ball into the hole. Auston celebrates a little, knowing he’s in the lead now. Brian laughs and slaps Auston lovingly on the back.

“You did great in your classes,” he remarks. “And I saw some of the volunteer work you did on O Tau’s Instagram page. You seem to be really liking it down there.” Auston smiles down at his feet.

“Yeah. I really do.”

Brian lines up so he can putt the ball in next.

“I’m surprised Mitch didn’t come back home with you.” Auston’s eyebrows almost touch his hairline. “I was kind of hoping to meet him. Sounds like a nice enough guy.”

“He has his own family in Toronto. I’m sure they miss him too.”

“He looks like he could use some sun.” Auston cackles and then high fives his dad when Brian makes it. “But seriously, I would really like to meet him.”

“What about Willy or Kappy? They’re cool too.”

“Yeah, but Mitch seems to be your best friend. You talked about him nonstop all semester. If I didn’t know any better, I would’ve thought you two were dating.”

Auston stiffens.

“We’re not.”

He doesn’t mean to sound rude about it, but his dad just raises his hand in surrender.

“Look,” he says softly, “it’s not like I would be opposed to you and Mitch dating. You guys would be good for each other, from what I’ve heard.”

Auston--doesn’t really know what to say. How is he supposed to respond to that? He can’t believe that his dad is saying all of this. He doesn’t—he’s not—

His dad is being so casual about all of this, though. He doesn’t sound angry or disappointed or furious at the idea of Auston dating another man. He actually sounds like he wouldn’t really be opposed to the idea of Auston and Mitch being together. Maybe even be a little accepting.

“You would,” Auston manages to croak out. His throat feels tight, and he tries to clear his throat so he can speak a little better. “You wouldn’t be mad if—if I dated a guy? If I was—if I was only into guys?”

Brian’s eyes soften as he looks up from his club and locks eyes with Auston.

“You’re my son, Auston. I’m always going to love you, whether you choose to marry a man or a woman. I just want you to be happy and be the best version of yourself that you can possibly be. It’s all I’ve ever wanted for you and your sisters.”

Auston’s eyes and nose sting as Brian puts the club down on the ground and pulls Auston in for a hug. Auston hides his face in his dad’s shoulder and just lets his dad slowly sway him side to side.

“I know you’re worried about what everyone else will think,” Brian continues. “Believe me. I’ve heard some of the things people have said over the years. This is the only time you’ll ever hear me say this, so don’t make me repeat myself. Got it?”

“Yeah? What is it?”

“Fuck what everyone else thinks.”

Auston has only ever heard his dad swear maybe twice in his whole life. So obviously he has to give Brian the most bewildered look he can muster. Brian laughs heartily when he sees Auston’s face.

“Seriously. No one else’s opinion matters. Not mine, not your mother’s nor your sisters’ opinions. Total strangers’ opinions matter even less. What matters is that you’re happy with whoever you choose to end up with and you’re successful in whatever you do. That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you, Auston: happiness and success. And if you’re happy being with another man, then I’m going to be happy for you.”

Auston quickly wipes away the one tear that manages to stray from his glassy eyes. Brian gives him a knowing smile and hugs him again.

“I love you, Dad,” Auston croaks.

“I love you, too, son.”

Auston comes out to his mama and his sisters a couple days later, trying to find the right words to say before finally blurting it out over dinner.

“I’m gay” is all he says while Alex and Brey are gushing about the guy Alex has been texting and his parents are discussing who they should get to rebuild their deck. It’s a normal family dinner, and now Auston has made things go unusually quiet. He’s about to ask to be excused when Breyana finally pipes up.

“That explains a lot about your fashion sense. And your hairstyles over the years.”

“That undercut you had summer before junior year?” Alex adds. “That pretty much confirmed it for me.”

Auston darts his eyes back and forth between his sisters.

“You guys knew?” he all but squeaks out.

“We had our suspicions,” Alex explains, “but we didn’t want to ask in case we were wrong. We wanted you to tell us yourself when you were ready.”

“Exactly,” Brey agrees. “We love you, and we want you to trust us.”

Auston breathes a deep sigh of relief. At least his sisters are happy for him. Three family members down; one to go, though. Auston reluctantly casts his eyes up to his mama, who hasn’t said anything since Auston made the announcement.

“Mama?” he shyly asks. Ema’s face is carefully neutral, and Auston can feel the dread crawling up his throat. He doesn’t know what he’ll do if his own mother tells him she hates him and doesn’t want to see him again. He couldn’t live with himself if she, of all the people, decided that he was unworthy of her love and support because of something that isn’t even in his control.

Ema stands up and walks around the table until she’s standing over Auston while he stays sitting down. She gently takes Auston’s face into her hands and tilts his head back until he’s looking up at her.

“I love you so much, _ mijo,” _ she softly says. “Gay or not, you are still my baby, and I love you with all my heart.”

She kisses the top of Auston’s head and lets him hug her waist tight, face hidden against her stomach. Brian lightly rubs at Auston’s shoulder with his palm while Brey and Alex stand up and huddle around him. It turns into one big, family group hug, and Auston has never been more thankful for his family than he is now.

“I love you guys,” he wobbles out.

“We love you, too, Aus,” Alex says. “We’re always here for you.”

“No matter what,” Brey finishes off.

“You will always have us, _ mijo,” _ Ema promises.

“We just want you to be happy,” Brian adds.

For the first time since realizing that he’s gay, Auston can breathe again.

Leaving home and going back to school is hard, but the moment he sees Mitch’s Jeep waiting for him outside the airport, his heart jumps. Mitch got a haircut, but it looks so good on him. Mitch in general looks good; he always does, even when he’s at his smelliest and messiest.

Auston is suddenly hit with all these emotions and feelings he has for Mitch. It’s like when they first met and Auston could feel his heart skip one too many beats, but much more intense. A good intense. The kind that reminds Auston that he’s allowed to have these feelings for another man and he’s allowed to act on them.

“I got you hot chocolate” is what Mitch greets Auston with when Auston gets in the Jeep. Auston takes his cup of coffee with a grateful “thank you” before taking a tentative sip.

“You’re the best, Marns,” he says. Mitch beams, making Auston’s heart melt.

“It’s the least I could do.”

As they drive back to campus and talk about their respective winter breaks, Auston can’t help but wonder what it would be like to still have this with Mitch, but as more than just friends. He doesn’t think it could ever happen, but he still lets himself think about it.

When they pull into the driveway of the house, Auston doesn’t even register what’s happening when he suddenly blurts out, “I’m gay.”

Mitch freezes, hand hovering over the ignition.

“I was gonna tell you sooner,” Auston continues to babble, “but I was afraid to, like, tell anyone. I mean, I just came out to my family over winter break, so it’s not like I didn’t want to tell you.”

Mitch still hasn’t said anything, so Auston lets his big mouth keep talking.

“I know you’re probably thinking that I’m lying or something, but I’m not. All those girls you’ve seen me leave parties with? Yeah, I didn’t actually hook up with any of them. Mostly I did it just so these creeps would leave them alone, and I could keep everyone off my back about never getting laid. Oh, um, I also forgot to mention that I’m actually still a virgin?”

“Wait, back up a second,” Mitch rushes out before Auston can keep talking. Mitch finally looks at Auston, and Auston can tell he’s shocked. “You’re gay?” Auston nods. “And you’re a virgin?” Auston nods again, a little more slowly this time. Mitch blinks several times, opens and closes his mouth like he’s going to say something but stops himself from saying it. Auston awkwardly rubs at the back of his neck.

“I felt bad for not telling you sooner,” Auston apologizes, “but I’ve just now really started to accept the fact that I’m gay, and that’s never going to change.”

“No, yeah, I get that. I remember before I came out, I was scared to death that someone was going to murder me in my sleep for being gay.” Auston understands that feeling all too well. “But hey, um—I’m glad you felt comfortable enough to come out to me. That really means a lot.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m glad that I finally have a fellow gay friend to talk to about this kind of stuff. Because I’m fucking clueless about everything, but especially gay stuff.”

“Oh, I’m fucking terrible at the whole being gay thing, too,” Mitch laughs. “All the gays are, honestly. So don’t feel too bad.”

Auston laughs with Mitch, and his heart feels both light and full at the same time. It’s nice to finally be honest with himself and with his friends. He doesn’t think he’s ready to come out to anyone else in the house just yet, but he knows he will one day.

“Thanks, Mitchy,” Auston tells Mitch. “For being a great friend.”

Mitch’s mischievous grin fades into a soft, kind one when he and Auston embrace over the console.

“I’m always here for you, Aus,” Mitch promises.

Classes start back a week or so later, and Auston starts to take his time to start hanging out with Mitch more. It’s like they picked up where they left off before winter break started, and Auston feels so much more balanced having Mitch back in his presence.

They get coffee, go to dinner, work out together, revamp Auston’s now permanent room in the O Tau house, do some charity work alongside the rest of their frat brothers, and go to a couple parties as well. And the whole time they’re hanging out, Auston is starting to get the feeling that he’s completely missing something that should be blatantly obvious to him.

“Is this some kind of—date?” Auston asks as he watches Mitch try to pick out what he wants to eat at the sports bar they decided on going to. Mitch looks like a deer in the headlights when he glances at Auston.

“Umm” is pretty much all Mitch can say, his cheeks turning bright red. Auston raises an eyebrow because this kind of feels like a date. Come to think of it, the past couple of nights that they’ve gone out, Auston has noticed some subtle changes in Mitch’s behavior. He’s felt Mitch’s knuckles lightly brush against his own while they drunkenly stumble down Frat Row and back to their house, almost like he wants to hold Auston’s hand. He keeps noticing how Mitch will press his body against Auston’s just so they can be close, sober or not. He hasn’t missed Mitch’s lingering gazes—like he’s about to say something important before stopping in his tracks and acting like nothing ever happened.

Auston may be a bit of an idiot when it comes to dating and relationships, but he’s pretty sure he’s reading this all right.

“If it is,” Auston says as he reaches over to take Mitch’s hand into his own, “then I’m ok with that.”

They’re both too shy to say or do anything in the restaurant except lock ankles under the table, but neither of them mind. They’re both fine with holding off doing anything else until they get back to the car. Besides, Auston’s going to have to try and process the fact that he and Mitch are—are on an actual _ date. _

Just the thought itself has Auston grinning like crazy. It helps that Mitch is grinning alongside him.

As soon as Mitch starts up the Jeep’s engine, it’s almost as if Auston is forgetting to do something. Mitch is watching him with those pretty blue eyes, asking a silent question and waiting patiently for his answer.

Auston hasn’t kissed a lot of people, but he has a pretty good idea of what to do. In a surge of newfound confidence, he slowly leans over and presses a gentle kiss to Mitch’s lips.

Mitch sharply inhales and flutters his eyes closed as soon as their lips touch. Auston’s lips tingle with how good it feels to have Mitch’s lips against his own. He’s never felt a kiss like this before. All of his pst kisses have felt weird, awkward. He always thought it was just because that’s who he was.

Kissing Mitch, though—it’s so natural and good and sweet. Auston doesn’t really want to stop.

They eventually do, though, and they’re both blushing like a couple of shy high schoolers.

”So, uh,” Mitch stumbles out, cheeks flushed and grinning, “wanna go on a second date soon?”

Auston isn’t ashamed of the wide smile on his face. He wants to go on a million more dates with Mitch, if he has things his way. He’s thankful Mitch feels the same.

”I’d love to.”


End file.
